Thursday, 24 December 2009

Merry Christmas Everyone

Have a wonderful xmas, and a fab New Year

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Festive Spirit - Xmas 2009

Decorated The Living Room

Looking Forward To....

I wish Everyone A Wonderful Xmas and A Happy New Year *mwah*

Adult Survivor - Funny Time Of Year...

I am heading into this Xmas with virtually no contact with my immediate family
It's a funny time of year. The memories are mixed with some happy moments and many awful ones....but it is a family time, you want to feel that sense of belonging don't you

I remember feeling suicidal this time of year in my teens and early twenties. The reason behind these feelings were never clear at the time, just a dark wretched feeling

In retrospect it was intense self loathing.

Self Loathing is a huge problem to overcome for survivors of CSA. You hate what you look like, what you sound like, what you are, and the family around you feed those feelings like a cancer. It keeps you in the role they deem you fit for

You don't feel you deserve happiness, special attention or love even.

The additional little problem I had, was an interesting one. I made people jealous and envious of me enough, so that they would try to bring me down, even if they knew, how hard I had it

I have reconnected with some distant family recently, who were there at the worst times. Memories have been flooding back, about them

My immediate family were pretty cruel and bullying in general. These relatives were nice to start with, but then I seemed to be too smart, too self assured for their liking.Chances are it was a front I put on, and the smartness was because I threw myself into my studies as a way of escape

I had an Aunt, who was around my age at the time. She constantly told me I may have brains, but no looks, not compared to her daughter anyway. She told me I would end up as a prostitute because my parents had me on such a short leash, and I seemed so uptight. I wasn't cool and trendy enough, not like her daughter. She said, my mother was a selfish B****, because she wouldn't cooperate fully with the joint business plans.....God it went on, almost everyday it felt like

I cannot imagine being so insecure to have the need to put down a teenage girl like that. I suppose it takes all sorts to rule the world doesn't it

Funny thing about me, that they never really understood, was that the more I was told, I was ugly, worthless, selfish, useless, not attractive blah blah blah, the less of a reaction I would outwardly give them.
I remember said Aunt calling me downstairs, from my homework desk, to verbally berate me, and I would be zombie like, and go back upstairs and carry on. It really annoyed them LOL

I took all their hate and pettiness, this includes my sister, mother and father too, and internalised it, and got really angry. Not self destructive angry, but I looked at what they all feared most, and did it

I don't know if that is recommended or not by experts but it worked for me.
They all seemed to fear I might just succeed in life inspite of everything, and leave them behind

I worked hard at school, I got fab grades and got to medical school, none of them held me back, even though they tried

As for the constant taunts about my looks, well I don't know any living thing that can blossom under such dire conditions.

At 18 when I escaped, I truly blossomed and never got called ugly or unattractive ever again. My sister didn't like my new self confidence in my looks, but oh well....
I never had a problem attracting men, and have never been single since I was 18 yrs old.

A prostitute, no, I didn't become that....even though self loathing and feeling so filthy on the inside can lead you to that. I didn't because I was still too angry about the potential that was God given, and the so called family that tried to take it away

Anyway, the point is, don't let the b******s get you down.
If you are numb inside because of everything you are going through,don't think too much about it.

Get Educated. Thats the key.

Talk to the authorities, get as much help as you can. You learn to value strangers more than family, and that is OK too

Life's knocks will still keep coming, and goodness knows there are plenty of sideeffects and scars you have to deal with, but try not to live to regret anything. Be brave, and above all try to love yourself

I am going to treat myself this Xmas, as well as my loved ones...and I am going to keep going forward in life, even if it takes ages, my life is within my control now, and thats the best thing to come out of the whole mess

Monday, 21 December 2009

Non Conformists Win!!!!!!

source article

I really enjoyed taking part in this campaign.

RATM Won. Power to the People!!!
No ads, no biased newspaper articles, no hate,
just good old fashioned silent majority getting a chance to be heard

Friday, 18 December 2009

Snow Has Arrived!!!

Baby Jinx, one of my cats

Closeup of a snowflake from this article

Barn Owl - Winter pics from London, taken from the Daily Mail UK

Stag - Winter pics from London, taken from the Daily Mail UK

The weather forecasters say we are going to have a White Christmas this year!!!

Thursday, 17 December 2009

Coral Reef Pendants

I am in the process of making 21 pendants based on the organic forms and colours found in the coral reef.

I will have to add bails on them, and neaten them up generally, but I won't be doing this until after my mini break from work

I am seriously worn out, and have to do so much for the website to be able to get rid of that infernal "under construction " sign LOL

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Anti - X Factor Anarchy!

Living in the UK has obvious perks, I love my country...

But putting up with no original music, and a poor excuse for a music industry gets right up my nose

We have had the latest undigestable daily mouthfuls of the latest Simon Cowell extravaganza. There are the sob story contestants, the back stage gossip and rumours, the staged bust ups beween judges etc etc etc

Now we have another hijacking of the UK charts. Cowell, apparently now has his hand in all of the current UK Top 10 albums. They are either his acts, or albums of acts who were promoted on the show

The latest winning act's single, is another rip off cover

I thought I was one of the minority who do not watch the show, and disliked the hold Cowell and the like have over what we listen too, but it looks like there is a silent majority...possibly

The current race for christmas number 1, which for the last 5 yrs has belonged to Cowell, and his minions, maybe overuled by Rage Against The Machine

I loved the track the first time round, and have it on tape at home. Today I downloaded it as a protest to try to get this to number 1, with it's own sweet message to Simon Cowell in the chorus

Enjoy the spoof video

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Movie Mania!

It's funny. I usually cannot find a movie I really am looking forward to.
Then like double decker buses, 3 come along at once LOL!!

The new Sherlock Holmes

A tongue in cheek Sherlock and a sexy Watson, and I love Mark Strong as the villain

A Single Man

I love Colin Firth, especially when he acts all emotionally repressed and this movie looks interesting. Its also a Tom Ford diectorial debut...


I am partial to Rob Marshall movies, from an aesthetic point of view as well as the plot.Not sure about the music, and Fergie LOL
Still, I am looking forward to seeing this, a lot,
et j'adore Marion Cotilliard

Friday, 11 December 2009

Peacock Pendant Series

Been very busy this week offline mainly. I experimented with polymer clay recently, I like to use it as a canvas, and texture it, then paint on it.

I added silver frames to them as well, and am really pleased with the results

The rich colours and textures are inspired by peacock feathers. Hope you like them

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Flickr Favourites - Golden Blue Hues

1. dawn passion, 2. Breath In Water, 3. Bokeh Melody, 4. Happy Bokeh Thursday

These are my latest fave images from Flickr. The theme is Inspiration. I'm not sure why but the combination of blue/turquoise and golds are always very uplifting to me. Hope you like the mosaic.

Head over to Artminds Blog for more mosaics

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

I Stumbled Upon This Amazing Artist....

The artists name is Schin and their Etsy shop is here

The image above is a section of his/her Geisha artwork. I fell in love with it instantly, and have actually bought the 8 x 12 inch print. Ooops!

I wasn't meant to buy anything else for me this year....and I couldn't even keep it together for 3 more weeks.Pathetic isn't it LOL

I have been offline for a few days, making xmas pressies, and working.I logged onto my laptop and found my google reader stuffed full to the brim with literally hundreds of entries, so that took me a while to peruse

Hope everyone is well :)

The artists other details are below

Friday, 4 December 2009

Jewellery Mosaic

New Photobucket toy!
Actually since the Winter weather here is making it tricky to get the right light for jewellery photos, I tried my own indoor studio .

The pieces are the same as ones I have shown before, but on a different background. So instead of boring everyone with the same pieces I used this fancy mosaic thing.If you hover your cursor over the mosaic everything moves, and an image will zoom into focus.

I can be such a geek sometimes, LOL

Babies In Buckets

I came across this article this morning, isn't it the cutest, yet weirdest thing. A whole class room full of babies in buckets LOL

Apparently it really works, the buckets mimick the foetal environment in vitro, and thus has a calming effect.Excellent!

To be honest I don't need any excuse to use this, just for the cuteness factor....the article is HERE

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Latest Necklaces Made...

Dare I say it, but I really love the latest jewellery pieces I've made.

I am still adding to collections meant for the shop when it opens, but I thought I'd share a few pics of what I've been up to

Lady Of The Lake
This pendant is part of another designer collection I'll be doing, based on the Arthurian legends. This necklace is based on the enigmatic high priestess The Lady Of The Lake, who arises from the waters holding the magical sword Excaliber, for King Arthur

I used Green Amethyst gemstones, for that watery, mystical appeal

This is a necklace I made last night based on an Indian Princess. The necklace contains Labradorite faceted gemstones, and sterling silver sculpted wire.

This is the latest addition to the Greek Goddess collection. Nemesis is the Greek Goddess Of Retribution, she avenges those that have been wronged against

I chose a dark red garnet stone , sculpted within a sterling heart to represent her

Hope you like them!

Suprised Kitten

This is the cutest thing EVER!

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Flickr Favourites

Mosaic of my new Flickr Favourites. They represent to me Bliss, Lust For Life, Nature's awe and wonder and Serenity. All of my favourite moods

For more mosaics of favourite amazing images see Artmind's Blog. I'm gonna check out the other mosaics too....

1. Tigre de Casa, 2. strawberry fizz, 3. Gold Leaf?, 4. HDR#05 - Ketenangan Abadi? (REPOST)
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