Monday, 30 November 2009

Le Weekend in pics - Work,Rest and Play

Work

Learnt how to solder sterling, properly.Yay!!!



My messy workspace, in the studio.
I finshed off another of the Greek Goddess collection, and started another based on the legends of King Arthur


Rest

Soothing chicken broth in bed, to stave off the chilly nights.
Wonderfully self indulgent



Admiring my new little hearts bowls that I bought from Etsy.



Play

One of my favourite weekend activities - playing with the cats.
This time its Jasper, with one of his favourite toys

Friday, 27 November 2009

Child Sexual Abuse - A Family Dysfunction

I am going to be referencing the study below in this blog entry:-
Child sexual abuse: a marker or magnifying glass for family dysfunction?
Nancy D. Kellogg
University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio, San Antonio, TX, USA
The Social Science Journal 39 (2002) 569–582
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Every victim of child sex abuse has a different story to tell. One of the key features in my own experience was the role I played within the family as a whole, and how dysfunctional the family was.
 
I found this study a while back describing how the family set up and dynamics, not only have as a big a part to play, in how the abuse is carried out, but also in the prognosis and recovery of the child in question.It regards the abuse not as being performed by a single perpetrator, but by the family as a whole.
 
This obviously does not apply to everyone, but it does to me.
 
Reasons Why The Kids Don't Disclose The Abuse

My abuse started by my father when I was under 5 years old. I didn't disclose until I was 16 yrs old. Why?

Well the top 5 points in the article shown, cover my reasons.

I feared the lack of back up from my mother, because she already seemed to know, and was hostile towards me as a child, and well into my thirties.
The fear of the consequences for telling, came from both the physical violence shown by both parents towards me, which worsened with every year.
But if I did tell someone, what would happen?...my fears were realised unfortunately

 
The role of the Mother
 
The mother is often the first adult told.It was in my case too.
"The mother of the sexually abused child not only plays a pivotal role in the child's likelihood of disclosure,but also in the risk factors that give rise to the abuse"
 

 
I knew telling her was the right thing to do, but she made it so hard for  me to do so.She treated me as a rival for my father's attention, which she does admit to now, not that it really helps now.
 
When I did tell her, she emotionally blackmailed me not to tell, and not to report it to anyone.She even went as far as making me lie to a child psychiatrist who wanted to have Dad removed. Mum sat there the whole time ensuring I did no such thing. Her sanity, financial security, job,my sister's future, were all put to me as reasons why not to tell
 
This was one of the most damaging experiences of my life.When I was beaten unconcious in front of her, I was sent away, not Dad.Once he knew she wouldn't report him, he bought her a house and took her on holiday.
 
I withdrew, and became someone else.
 
 
Adult Centred Families
It took me years to work out what happened. How could I have been victimised like this, with all the other members of the family complicit in the abuse, and maintenance of my role as the family punch bag
 
The article purports that there are child centred and adult centred families, where the rights of the child come last. Then there are secure and insecure families, where the threat of violence, and unpredictable parental behaviour is present.Sometimes there is substance abuse too
 

 
In my situation it was a very adult centred , insecure household, with a set up which suited both parents, if truth be told. No-one ever told on Dad, until 2004, 16 yrs after I first disclosed the abuse to my mother.
 
I hope that as time goes on the role of the rest of the family, and especially the "non-abusive" parent is given more attention, especially legally.
For too long, it is assumed that they are equal victims, when that is not always the case.They sometimes know well in advance what is going on, and get something out of  it.Not really the sign of a nurturing parent is it.
 
And when the abuser is finally put away, you are left with the supposed victim parent, who you know full well, was never really a victim at all.....

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Too Early For New Year's Resolutions?

I have been tackling some big obstacles of mine, recently, and it isn't even New Year, which is when I tend to put these things off 'til.

1.Tackling the Online store - I'm meeting up with a friend and going over legal stuff and tax related stuff for setting up the store.
Yay! Finally...
I probably won't do much before Christmas as it is immiment, but I will aim for next year deffo!

2.I have been in and out of Doctors offices and hospitals over the last few months.So now, I know I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, with a whole host of unpleasant symptoms to go along with it.

I am tackling each symptom steadily.I'm on meds, and have actually gone to a Slimming Club!!!

If you ever knew me in real life, you would know this is one of the last things I would ever do....mainly out of embarrassment, or denial, or something.But I am trying to face up to things

It went OK actually, and I am coping well enough...so fingers crossed...


3.Given up on damaging family relationships....finally.
This has come full circle this November.
I have been put through hell by the nearest and supposed dearest(not the hubby,he's ace), and have now summoned up the guts to let go, and put my own needs first.

Yikes, feels weird to even say that LOL.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Flickr Favourites - A Dark Day


1. ~ Took a real "Beading" ~, 2. Flow, 3. Untitled, 4. Screaming Marble Head

More mosaics at Artmind's Blog

I am having a pretty bad day. This mosaic reflects my mood I guess.
You know when you feel everything is too much, and overwhelming, and yet you have no choice but to put in your best effort. That is today

I'm so tired and feel invisible....

Saturday, 21 November 2009

Aint Love Grand....

Till Death Do Us Part! ....check out the article here
A new trend in cakes is appearing, to celebrate separations and divorce.
They are so hilarious in a Tim Burton gothic kind of way LOL











Friday, 20 November 2009

Dear Friends...



Offline today working on more stock and sorting out my receipts...blah...

Off topic, have you ever had a mouthful of cereal while in front of the computer screen...than a huge sneeze builds up fast and explodes through your nose onto said screen and keyboard.

No?...

just me then. Great...

Hope you all have a great Friday etc, see you around the corner...

Thursday, 19 November 2009

The Royal Bump



I came across this article from the Daily Mail, about a royal visit to nursey kids, by Prince Charles's wife, the Duchess of Cornwall.

Look at the pic of the little boy trying to squeeze passed, but gets caught by the royal tush LOL. His expression is priceless!

Heres the link to the article with more pics

Medusa | JewelryLessons.com

Medusa | JewelryLessons.com


I am so touched by the lovely comments I have received for this piece by other uber-talented artisans.

I'm having a wonderful start to my day.........Thankyou

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Flickr Favourites - Cutesy, Kokeshi, Cupcakes




1. Approaching Reflection, 2. The Kokeshi family - and so they were five, 3. Kokeshi doll - Izumino (泉野), 4. Chocolate,Coffee n Cinnamon Cupcakes

I fell in love with these little kokeshi dolls, and found a couple of other cuties to join them.

Medusa and Mermaids

lq4

This is my latest addition to my Greek Goddess collection.

I based the pendant on the Gorgon Medusa.She is a powerful archetype, usually seen as an angry vengeful “female” who is anti-men LOL

She was actually a very beautiful classy lady who was cursed by a jealous Greek Goddess for attracting her man, and was thus transformed into the infamous creature.

If she gets eye contact with any man, they are turned into a pillar of salt.Her hair is made up of serpents and her blood is toxic….nice way to treat a lady huh

The pendant is made from Lemon quartz gemstone and coils of serpent like sterling silver

I already have Persephone, Gaia, Eos, Athena and Aphrodite as my Goddesses. I am going to be working on Nemesis and Selena next - then the collection will be complete.YAY!

The other 2 pendants as mentioned are from my ongoing obsession with creating  jewellery for mermaids LOL. I made them from natural aquamarine gemstones, fresh water pearls and sterling silver

See images  below




Friday, 13 November 2009

Rabbit Heart Cover by the Sugababes



I don't usually go for covers, since I am long enough in the tooth now to remember the originals LOL

But this is a gorgeous cover of Florence and the Machine's Rabbit Heart. Florence is this amazing singer songwriter who reminds me a little of Kate Bush. She also sings poetic verses of gothic imagery reminiscent of Stevie Nicks...it's great to discover someone new on the music scene.Here is her original Rabbit Heart song CLICK HERE

My Brother in law is a musician too, and going to his gigs in Kent has gotten me back into the live music scene again.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Adult Survivor - Longterm Affects

The longterm affects of child sex abuse (CSA)are prolific and cover every spectrum of the human experience

If you think about it in basic terms, what do we human beings need, food, shelter, comfort, unconditional love from somewhere and a sense of selfworth

If you are lucky to get most of these albeit in varying degrees, then you have the basic tools that help with growing up, mixing, finding loved ones, and creating your own families

First off as an adult survivor, you genuinely don't have any concept of self worth. Especially those that undergo ritualistic abuse, imagine how confusing it is, that with every positive sign of love, even if declared, there is the betrayal, mindgames and abuse to counteract that

Have you ever seen wounded animals? They become immobile, in a frozen state, and after enough time has passed, they don't complain, or draw attention to themselves, for fear of reprisal

The adults that arise from these backgrounds, tend to trust noone, have adeep sense of self loathing and can barely function as a normal adult at times

I tended to swing from one extreme to the other.Seemingly stable, successful and confident, then for no apparent reason, everything crashes around my ears, and I want to crawl under my duvet and never re-emerge

I use huge amounts of energy to overcome all sorts of hang ups to get through everyday situations.

The trick is to keep getting up, and to keep trying....

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Smiling through the misery...



My Aquamarine bangle, I made over a year ago, based on an Eni Oken tutorial
I love this piece, it was one of my fantasy collections, for a mermaid LOL

Today has been pretty awful, and unproductive,I know everyone has one of those days, but we had a house full of people at the weekend, and I am still getting over it.

If I could be described as a weather report, I would read as follows -
A definite grey, overcast day, with barely any sunny spells.Temperatures falling as the day progresses.Some brightness anticipated tomorrow

Friday, 6 November 2009

A Friday Flickr Favourites

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Gift Wrapping Fun


Put together my first gift wrapping ideas today for the store.
I went for a chocolate and cream theme, with the boxes and ribbon, then added my own cutesy polymer clay hearts ...
(Amadora means gift of love, hence the little hearts)

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

"Broken Britain" Yobs Get A Dose of BBC Blackbelt!



According to reports this asian reporter (Mr Patel)was trying to do his job, wearing a suit, in inner city Manchester. As you can see he was persistently followed by a couple of drunken yobs, who were spoiling for a fight

Imagine their shock, when Mr Patel after a long period of harrassment spins around, and dishes out a Karate kick. Haha! Unbeknownst to them, this BBC reporter has a Black belt!! Well done Mr Patel

When I saw the police van I half expected them to arrest the reporter....shows how barmy the UK is becoming

Monday, 2 November 2009

Borderline Girly Hysteria...


I told my hubby, that it was dangerous to get me to watch too many episodes of Supernatural back to back!
I was on Twitter and did some lame-o quiz like a true teen, and when I saw this result, that my perfect boyfriend is Jensen Ackles, seriously I was genuinely thrilled! Nuts....I need to get a grip LOL

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Etsy Browsing On A Winter's Day

Some gorgeous handmade items from some very talented artisans, clicky, clicky!


I have had a lovely few hours of non productivity, browsing around Etsy. I was supposed to be looking for pressies for the hubby's imminent birthday, and got completely sidetracked and bought 2 of the items within this gallery of finds. Oh Dear!
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