Saturday, 23 January 2010

Adult Survivor of CSA : Just Move On

Got a letter in the post today, a 4 page diatribe from my mother

It basically said, I am not allowed to mention the past to her anymore, or ever get cross with her about it anymore, because it means I am living in the past.Oh, and to sort out my fertility STAT to get her some grandkids

I am all for the Moving forward philosophy of life. I try to live by it. The thing is my present and future life is tied up with consequences of the past, there is no escaping that fact

I am not living in the past, but like most adult survivors, there are a myriad of triggers that pull you back there anyway

My future is very different from where I was even 5 years ago, and this has everything to do with the past. I went to court with the rest of the family to put Dad in prison, because she had always refused to do it before then. He has abused more children since, but she does not feel any responsibility for that.

As a result of the past and the courtcase, I mentally am unable to do the job I was trained to do.Fact.

She actually never, ever got him removed from the family home. He left of his own accord a year after I left. Then she took issue with me not being family orientated enough to return to that home and play happy families with her.

She let me go into the real world as a seriously damaged eighteen year old, and was still full of anger and criticisms about my life choices. The nurturing mothering didn't remotely appear until there was irrefutable evidence of me being mentally ill, in my thirties.

I am trying to sort myself out. I will make a go of the jewellery business, even without her support. I will try to be positive about life

I will not however maintain contact with someone so damaging to my health and self esteem as she is.

A consultant psychiatrist said to me, years ago, that Adult Survivors of CSA always bounce back to the abusive parents for parental love and approval, which they probably never really had. She said it was a cliche. They need to move on

I agree in principle, but there has to be some empathy there too for the survivors. They had it bad, and rarely get cut any slack in adulthood for finding life hard. Is a little compassion too much to ask for? I think not.


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