Friday, 2 April 2010

Adult Survivor: Pity Parties For One

It's been a while since I've written an Adult Survivor post.
This isn't because I am so mentally well adjusted now (far from it LOL), but more because time has been scarce

The whole validation, and self esteem thing has been bugging me recently.
Again, I can only speak for myself, but I suspect many of these issues resonate with other abuse survivors, where the perpetrators were family members.

There feels like there is no-one to pat you on the back, when you are doing well, no-one who genuinely cares how you feel day to day, no-one to comfort you when life gets rough.It's one of the hardest things to deal with really - any family you do have are either unable to, or choose not to treat you right.

I have passed through the hands of specialist counsellors that deal with child abuse, Consultant Psychologists and Psychiatrists over the years, and it always comes down to the same things

There is no solution, your family are bad for your mental health, stop bouncing back to them, learn to self comfort, learn to love yourself, learn to reward yourself .Be independant, don't use emotional crutches.

It's almost like saying deny you are human. It's an established basic need,seeking comfort and unconditional love from the parents and family.

So, I am about to embark on something that is a huge milestone for me.
I have somehow, come through a tough life, and am still intact, more or less.I have managed to turn things around, after mental health issues prevented me from working as I did before.

In my real life, aside from my hubby, this has met with relative indifference really. To the inlaws it translates, as not seeing them enough, or being there enough, and there is no other decent family to speak of anymore.

Is this self pity you here - yes, a little, but when you are exhausted and the dark of night closes in on you, I can feel a little raw.

I'm meant to channel these feelings into positive energy, and being productive, which I am trying to do.

So, I am going to keep on going, and will think of a way to reward myself, for starting up this little business.

I hope to feel better about everything tomorrow :)

3 comments:

  1. hope you feel better soon. sometimes we just have to let go and stay safe from those who hurt us. be kind to yourself and love yourself, you are worth it. you are a beautiful and talented person.

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  2. I wish you tons of luck and love in your life Samantha - I really do.

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  3. Thanks so much for your sweet words Sandy, I really needed that, it was a bad day.I'm much better now :) I appreciate your comments

    Thanks Shay, I will cherish your well wishes!

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